A haphazard chronicle of my inevitable misadventures during a year in Vietnam and points east.

p.s. I'll be pitifully grateful if you send me email during my exile: TravelerKaty@hotmail.com

October 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 February 2006 March 2006 May 2006

 
Well, I'm going home! I realize I've been seriously lacking in the posting department lately -- I admit I got a bit burned out on keeping up with the blog here. But I thought I should at least update you all that I'm heading back to the U.S.A., just in time for cold and flu season. Oh, and incidentally, Christmas.

I do have some mixed feelings about it, though I'm very excited and have been mentally packing for the last week or two. Here's a rundown of my thoughts:

Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Mexican food. Mmmmm, Mexican food. It's almost obscene how I've been fantasizing about this. The other day I ordered Fajitas in a western (actually British) style bar/restaurant here in downtown Saigon. They came on a sizzling cast iron cow-shaped plate and looked suspiciously like a chunky mound of sloppy joes. It was served up with two tortilla halves, which had been cleverly baked for a few minutes so as to make them crispy and impossible to wrap around the sloppy joes without major leakage. For those of you who are picking me up at the airport, I expect a Mexican lunch.

2. Sweaters. I have not worn anything more sturdy than a short-sleeved blouse for the last six months (when I jetissoned my newly purchased coat at the end of my month in China) and I've taken to wandering through the Russian Market on my way home from the gym each day just to gaze at the coats and sweatshirts and sweaters that they have on offer.

3. Not Sweating. This would be a corrollary to #2 above. I effectively sweat for approximately 16 hours of every day. It's revolting, and all my clothes are falling apart since I (or rather, the maid) washes them so often. Walking a hundred yards down the street without breaking a sweat is something I haven't done in months.

4. Walking on Sidewalks. From the murky past I have this fading memory of this amazing land called "Seattle" in which I could go into a store, buy something (with a price tag right on it), then walk out and move to the next store all without having to step into the street itself!! No seriously, in this incredible "Seattle" place they have what they call "sidewalks", upon which people "walk". The "street" is where people drive and park, and they also have these things called "parking lots", where the citizens put their vehicles when they're not using them. Here they have something called a "sidewalk" where there is no "walking" allowed because of all the motorbikes parked, illegal restaurants, vendors, and scary holes.

5. Stress-free Street Crossing. Those of you who were reading in December understand my position on the Incredible Danger of Crossing the Street here in HCMC, when forced to navigate through teeming rivers of motorbikes. I have, in fact, recovered my lost rhythm in crossing the street, but I am looking forward to intersections in which vehicles stop for red lights.

6. A Bra That Fits. Here in Lilliput I am Gulliver, and ready-made clothes are not made to fit me. I've been bra shopping recently, not my favorite pastime at the best of times, but have found nothing even approaching my size. And let me just say that I'm really not that big a gal. I was at the big market this week looking at pants and someone actually told me they had my size: XXXL. Honest to god, 3X. I had to politely explain that even if that was my size here in the land of the tiny, I have NEVER been a 3X and there's no way I'm ever wearing such a thing. Anyway to get back to my original point, my mother, though she's not yet aware of it, is going to be taking me to the Leggs/Haynes/Bali outlet in North Bend on our way back home.


Things I'm Not Looking Forward To.

1. Western Prices. It's really easy to get used to spending $5 for dinner and drinks, or $4 for an hour-long head massage/facial/shampoo/haircut. It's going to be a rude awakening when first go to the supermarket.

2. No More Maid. For $13.50 a month I've been enjoying the services of Thuy, a terrific maid who comes in 3 times a week, cleans the whole house, does the laundry, picks up my room (!!!), takes out the garbage, and washes the dishes. Judging from my memories of my mother saying "I'm not your maid" on more than one occasion when I was a kid, I somehow doubt that this kind of service is in my future during my visit to my parents house.

3. No More Drinking Iced Coffee and Reading Imported Newspapers on the Patio of a Local Cafe. Even though coffee is damned good in Seattle, it's better here, and in Saigon it's not outrageously overpriced. I love being able to while away an hour or two chatting and reading while drinking delicious iced coffee with sweetened condensed milk. Mmmmm.

4. Leaving My Students. I really have enjoyed teaching, and my students are impressively disconsolate at the prospect of my departure. Vietnamese kids are great -- no attitude, and hard workers for the most part.

5. Figuring Out What to Do Next. This is a major problem, as I really think I can only justify sponging off my parents for a month or so. I may make a tour of relatives like the Poor Relations in Victorian novels, but eventually a decision really does have to be made. Dang. Being a grown-up is hard.

Copyright 2003 Katy Warren




posted by Katy at 9:50 PM

 
One of the joys of buying knockoff Chinese DVD's is reading their covers. Strange as it may seem, their manufacturers just don't seem to have the same commitment to proofreading that the original distributors of these movies might have.

Bulletproof Monk, for example, a fairly recent Chow Yun Fat movie, has Chow on the front cover but the back, next to the screen shots of Bulletproof Monk, is a summary of some Vin Diesel action flick called Knockaround Guys.

Sometimes the commentary on the cover is just odd. You know how they put big quotes from reviewers to get you interested in the movie? Legally Blonde 2, a pitifully lame comedy in which virtually nothing happens, tries to draw you in with the following quotes: 1. "A THRILLER THAT WILL GRAB YOU FROM START TO FINISH." (Larry King); and 2. LACKS AN EFFECTIVE VILLAIN OR NEMESIS. (Chicago Tribune). I can't argue with the latter, but either Larry is on some really good drugs or they pulled that quote from the wrong movie.

Die Another Day, last summer's James Bond film, features a paragraph in Chinese and a paragraph in Vietnamese. Sandwiched between the two is the following, and I quote: "the bridge of the Fleet Battlestation Ticonderoga, with its sweeping galactic views, to the desolate terrain of planet Klendathu, teeming with shrieking, fire-spitting, brain-sucking creatures, acclaimed director". Definitely the most unusual Bond yet.

But my favorite so far is the cover for Deliver Us From Eva, a romantic comedy with L.L. Cool J. In fact, I bought it for the cover alone -- I have no idea if it will be watchable, but I absolutely couldn't resist the tortured syntax they gifted us with. Since the small print is in Spanish, I suspect the blurb on the back was translated from English to Spanish, then Spanish back into English using one of those internet instant translators, then maybe in and out of Lithuanian or Hindi for good measure and then handed to handed off to someone's weird Chinese uncle to spellcheck. Here's a sample: "Related three mans total want to get away from the celibacy elder sister that they love wife the story of the love (Eva, add the cloth -- particularly, Gabrielle Union). The love apparently always have no the placeses not at, she although permit the good, hart is such as the iron: As long as a man that a few wordses she can let an alive with self-confidence feel elusive." Impressive, isn't it? Nobody can butcher the English language like the Chinese.

Copyright 2003 Katy Warren
posted by Katy at 12:45 AM